Of weasels and politicians

Bringing the world's largest atom smasher to a halt was only the beginning

Carolyn Grant

Last week a weasel weaselled its way into the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva and managed to bring the world’s largest atom smasher to a halt. No atoms were smashed for a while, but the weasel was. Not much left of the critter according to news reports. Pop goes the weasel.

In other weasel news, Ted Cruz is kaput in Indiana, which spells the end of his run at the White House. While evangelical Christians in Indiana preferred him to Trump, they couldn’t forgive Cruz’s larger sin. He called a basketball hoop a ring. I know! Blasphemy! In Indiana if you don’t know what to call the thingy that holds the basketball net, you are done. Hoop! Don’t forget that, Cruz. Not that he’s likely to forget it, since the lowly metal ring, er, hoop, brought him down.

Oh and also, Carly Fiorina, Cruz’s Vice Weasel, in a sweet metaphor, fell off the stage while introducing Cruz at a campaign event this week. Now she will fall off the political stage altogether.

That means that the way has been cleared for the Weasel in Chief, Donald Trump, to pick up the Republican nomination on the first ballot. It is barely a year since he announced his nomination to great jocularity from one and all. Nobody is laughing now.

Trump not only picked up the Indiana primary, he also picked up an endorsement from a Grand Wizard , or maybe Weasel, of the KKK. Trump supporters say The Donald can’t choose who endorses him and refuse to face the rather obvious fact that the KKK wouldn’t be endorsing someone who didn’t espouse somewhat similar views to their own. Purely coincidence! The KKK could have endorsed Bernie Sanders too, but chose not to because they are yoogely impressed by The Donald. And not by any remarks he made that could be construed as racist and made their pointy, white hats twitch. The KKK is not just about racism! It’s… Oh, forget it. There’s only one reason the Klan would endorse Trump and we all know it.

Trump also refused to leave the lowest valley on the low road of the presidential campaign by accusing Ted Cruz’s father Rafael of being involved in the assassination of JFK. Cruz resounded by calling Trump a pathological liar. Strong words from the man dubbed Lyin’ Ted. Such is the state of discourse in U.S. politics this year.

In slightly less weasely, but still important news, right here at home, the BC NDP has filed a complaint with the province’s conflict of interest commissioner about Christy Clark’s allowance. You know if I had known as a kid that there was somewhere I could file a complaint about the measly (not weasely) 25 cents a week my parents gave me, I would have been on that. Of course Premier Clark’s allowance is somewhat larger. It seems the BC Liberal Party pays her an extra 50 large a year, on top of the $192,000 we taxpayers pay her.

The NDP says that the money is raised through political contributions, including donations that come from private meetings with the Premier, and that’s not right.

Actually, it sounds a little shifty to me too, but if I were a BC Liberal or Premier Clark I wouldn’t be too worried. It’s the BC NDP filing the complaint after all. You’ve got to figure they’ll find a way to mess it up.

Meanwhile in Quebec, Pierre Karl Péladeau has announced he is resigning as head weasel of the Parti Québécois, less than a year after being elected leader of the sovereignist party.

Péladeau told a news conference in Montreal he made the decision for family reasons.

“I had to make a difficult choice between my family and our political project,” he said in a speech. “I chose my family.”

How honourable. He will put off trying to rip a country apart in order not to rip his family apart. What a belette! Guess what that means?

Carolyn Grant is Editor of the Kimberley Bulletin