God save the carriers

The ancient art of newspaper delivery is something to be treasured

Gentle readers, we must remember to use our powers for good, as well as for evil — wait! That’s not what I meant. Let me start again …

Dear readers, it’s not the carriers’ fault, it’s MY fault … no, stop, forget I said that! Let me start again …

Respected and courteous readers of the Townsman/Bulletin, the following is full disclosure:

Over the past two months, remarkable physical changes have been taking place at our shop on Cranbrook Street North. Some of you may have even noticed. Men with other-worldly tools have been literally taking our building apart and putting it back together again.

Part of this immense transformation may have to do with either the installation of a new press, or the construction of a craft which will carry us all to the stars ( I do not know which, they haven’t told me yet). If it’s the former, then the Townsman will soon be the centre of a truly impressive printing operation with expanded capabilities. If it’s the latter, then when our planet finally begins to implode, come on down to the Townsman and hop on board for that voyage to the new better world.

Exciting news, regardless. But that’s not all. We are also streamlining certain aspects of our business to increase our economic footprint in the community, make our business stronger and our services more efficient. Some of this involves a new automated flyer system and extended run for our Thursday paper.

This has been our autumn so far, and it has been in the planning stages for quite some time. But alas, there are always those variables which pop up unexpectedly and prevent a complicated transition from proceeding as smoothly as we had hoped. Machines may break down, trucks may be late, I may get stuck in that electro-magnetic cocoon they make me stand in for two hours every day, to make me smarter and better looking.

The long and short of it is, our Thursday paper, which everyone looks forward to, has come to your door later than you would like, due to those various extenuating circumstances. Rest assured that this is a temporary state of affairs. We are working like ants to get things running as smoothly as possible, and in the meantime, I personally humbly apologize for any inconvenience. May I be struck by lightning, etc.

However, we also humbly request that you please be kind to your carrier when he or she shows up at the door with your paper. It’s not the carriers’ fault. The carrier has been waiting anxiously for those bundles of papers to arrive, so he or she can hit the pavement and take them straight to your door. Your carrier is doing the best he or she can. Please don’t abuse the carrier at your door when he or she arrives. That abuse is for me to take. If you make an appointment, I can show up at your door, and — wait, forget I said that.

God save the carriers, for without them we are nothing. If getting the paper out everyday was like the invasion of Normandy, like D-Day, then the carriers would be like the seasick soldiers in the landing craft who — wait, that’s not a good analogy, forget I said that.

Though the carriers get their directives from us, they are out there to serve you to the best of their ability. Be kind, gentle reader, not angry. While we are busy building our starship and transforming ourselves into an economic juggernaut, the carriers are still pounding the pavement, braving the weather, like carriers have done for 150 years. Be glad to see them.

Just Posted

Mount Baker Senior Girls victorious in eighth annual ‘Wildfire Classic’

Cranbrook firefighters, high school basketball team put on entertaining show on Thursday night

Mount Baker Jazz Bands triumphantly return from Lionel Hampton Jazz Festival

The Mount Baker jazz band and vocal jazz band have returned triumphantly… Continue reading

Gould fined, sentenced to probation, community service

Man charged with theft, using fradulent cheques, sentenced in Cranbrook after guilty plea.

City signs fire protection agreement with Fort Steele Heritage Town

Five-year deal will use Cranbrook firefighters to protect heritage structures.

Large Cranbrook neighbourhood to be affected by water shutoff Tuesday night

Broad swath of Cranbrook will be under boil water notice Wednesday, following water system replacement

The East Kootenay Regional Science Fair sends four winners to Ottawa

Paul Rodgers The East Kootenay Regional Science Fair took place on Friday,… Continue reading

College Business students win at competition

A team of College of the Rockies Business Management students were big… Continue reading

Anti-pipeline protestors block Kinder Morgan tanker near Seattle

Protest was spurred on by the 28 anti-Kinder Morgan activists arrested in Burnaby

Some surprises in new book about B.C. labour movement

“On the Line” charts history of the union movement back to the 1800s

B.C. cyclist races to first win of the season in New Zealand

Casey Brown captures Enduro title by more than two minutes at Crankworx Rotorua

Ontario starts its own dumpster fire

You’d think, having a living example of the fool-hardiness of electing a… Continue reading

CrossWalking: Showing our love for the City

Rev. Yme Woensdregt On Good Friday again this year, Christians from different… Continue reading

Notorious Russian troll farm also took swipes at Canadian targets

Targets included oil infrastructure and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Cirque du Soleil aerialist dies after fall during Florida show

Longtime performer fell while performing in VOLTA

Most Read