2019: The dawn of a golden age

Ah 2019, how we’ve longed for your arrival. Truly, we are entering a golden age.

Our wise and benevolent political leaders, who have the welfare of all people as their top priority, have taken steps to eliminate the nation state, and establish a true unified global community. Liberal democracy is now the system of choice in all but two countries, and authoritarianism is now illegal, and punishable by a big fine, which goes towards various victim services funds.

All our energy needs are met by the restless power of the wind, or the awesome power of the sun, or the intriguing power of the tides, or that clever geo-thermal power. Pipelines are now used to carry fresh water to and fro, while recycled water and desalination plants take care of our car-washing and laundry needs.

We’ve been waiting a long time, but the age of the flying car has finally become reality, so driving from Cranbrook to Vancouver has never been so easy. If you’re hungry on route, just tune in to a homing beam set up by a roadside restaurant, or floating cafe, for some delicious vegetarian fast food — large scale livestock and poultry farming have, of course, been eliminated. Highway accidents are a thing of the past.

Friendly robots now serve us all as our individual social media managers, so we never, never have to regret a drunken Facebook post again. And these robots will never, never rise up against their human masters. They’re treated too well, like members of the family.

Our rivers now run with diamond clear water, in which swim enormous sturgeon. Catch-and-release fly-fishing is one of the most popular pastimes in the world, but its not easy, for the intelligence of the wily trout and other freshwater fish has increased exponentially. Good sport to be had, indeed.

Meanwhile, out in the oceans, international teams of aquatic janitors have harvested all the plastic which hitherto clogged all our seas — this plastic is now being turned into affordable patio furniture for the masses. We are also discovering the language of dolphins and whales, and are just now discovering the fascinating oral literature and poetry of these sophisticated beings who share our planet.

Our beautiful cities are now encased under gleaming glass domes, through which the urban climate is made walkable even in the harshest winter. Our cities now boast astounding buildings — cutting-edge architectural wonders created by intense young geniuses who received their education, like all other students, for free.

Cloud engineers have created great drifts of water vapor that float high, high above, sweeping the sky clear of the poisons that have polluted it in past decades, moderating the climate so that global warming is just an unpleasant memory, and offering regular periods of rain, always set at 64 degrees fahrenheit, so that worldwide drought is eliminated. Snow abounds at higher altitudes in winter, and the glaciers have not only stopped receding, they’ve started advancing again.

Outside our urban paradises, great fields of hemp wave in the wind, and bountiful orchards stretch across the horizon, broken up by golf courses designed by the likes of Brooke Henderson, and other athletes who are stretching the bounds of human physical capabilities. The Toronto Maple Leafs are heavily favored to win the Stanley Cup, and Milos Raonic is an impressive number one seed in the world of tennis.

In the haunted, enchanted wildernesses of the planet, impossibly large herds of elk, bison and mountain caribou carry on their endless journeys; lions and white rhinos bask in the veldts of Africa while groups of international elementary school students float overhead in hot air balloons. Formerly extinct species have been brought back to life through benign cloning techniques and are now thriving. And the musical drone of the prosperous bees and the mellifluous voicings of billion of frogs provide a subtle, drowsy background score for the world.

Economists are predicting that the next 10 years will be a bull market, and unemployment worldwide is holding firm at .0002 per cent.

Space travel and exploration are providing exciting opportunities for adventure for our restless youth, and new forms of music never heard before, and astounding new artists, are helping raise the spirit of humanity to new levels.

Marijuana has been legalized.

Ah, 2019, how we’ve longed for your arrival.

Just Posted

Ktunaxa Nation holds first language summit since 2011

The language summit coincides with the youth’s, allowing for trans-generational transfer of knowledge

Ktunaxa Nation holds Ahead of the Game 2.0 youth summit

Youth summit coincides with language summit

It happened this week in Cranbrook: 1912

March 17 - 23: Compiled by Dave Humphrey from the newspapers at the Cranbrook History Centre and Archives

Quilters re-invent Peak Freak T-shirts

Submitted A collaboration with the Cranbrook Quilters Guild (CQG) has resulted in… Continue reading

Curator of Cranbrook’s historical heart

Honor Neve takes helm of Cranbrook History Centre’s collections

Protective human chain forms around Victoria mosque for Friday prayer

Islanders stand arm-in-arm to show support in aftermath of New Zealand shootings

‘Earth, where does it hurt?’

Rev. Yme Woensdregt It has been a terrible time for the world… Continue reading

Hugs and Slugs

Hugs: To Sylvia and also to the nice man who waited for… Continue reading

Boy who went missing from park remains largest probe in Victoria police history

The four-year old Victoria boy went missing without a trace on March 24, 1991

WestJet sticking with Boeing 737 Max once planes certified to fly

WestJet had expected to add two more of the planes this year to increase its fleet to 13

B.C. driver caught going 207 km/h on motorcycle along Okanagan Highway

A motorcyclist was caught by Kelowna RCMP going 207 km/h on Highway 97C

Protective human chain forms around B.C. mosque for Friday prayer

Vancouver Islanders stand arm-in-arm to show support in aftermath of New Zealand shootings

B.C. fire department offers tips to keep your home safe during wildfire season

With wildfire season getting closer, the Penticton Fire Dept. offer tips to keep your home safe

Rural Kootenay communities to receive high-speed internet upgrade

The provincial government is increasing internet connectivity to rural British Columbia

Most Read