Joseph Richard Gaston Lalande is very much alive, thank you very much.
Rumours of Monsieur Lalande’s demise, as they say, are greatly exaggerated — but that hasn’t stopped them from spreading around the community with astounding speed.
The long-time Cranbrook resident came by the Townsman office Friday to try to put an end to all the talk that he is dead.
“I believe it started at the Elko sawmill,” he said. “Someone started spreading the rumour that I was dead!
“I think it was a mistake, but it’s still rude, it’s unprofessional!”
Somehow, “people with big mouths” carried that rumour forward. Someone offered their sympathies Lalande’s brothers at church, to their consternation. Lalande even gave the staff at his dentist’s office a great shock.
“I had an appointment, and saw another man sitting in my chair,” Lalande said. “They’d cancelled my appointment — they thought I was dead.
“They said ‘we’re sorry, sir, we thought you were deceased.’ They were even getting a (sympathy card) ready for my wife.”
Lalande said the gossip had traumatized his wife. “And I’m traumatized too. I’m mad as hell.”
We repeat: Joseph Richard Gaston Lalande is alive and well and living in Cranbrook.