Self-sorting socks: Hallelujah

The miracle of modern technology gets down to our most basic needs

A European country has introduced an exciting new technological advance that is sure to literally rock your socks off.

Blacksocks are socks that literally sort themselves! The new tall socks have a microchip that links to your iPhone and delivers you a bevy of information on everything you ever wanted to know about your socks.

A quick query of the Townsman editorial staff revealed a number of exciting things we’d all like to know about our socks, and now can thanks to the Blacksocks app should we be willing to spend our salaries on $189 space-socks.

The top responses were pattern, colour and style. All of which can be done thanks to the helpful “app” that evolution gave us: the human eye. But in the 21st century, relying on our peepers alone isn’t good enough. We need that technology available in an iPhone app.

Blacksocks come equipped with a microchip that will beep if it’s close to its match. Now, I must note the socks are all black, so one might ponder why you can’t just mis-match them without anyone becoming wise to your hotfootery — but this is 2012! We have technology to prevent us from committing such a “faux-paw.”

I must admit I hate sorting socks, but I do love the wonderful patterns available in the sock world. I spend hours doing the back-breaking work and I have often wondered in the midst of the sorting fracas, as I wipe the accumulated sweat from my brow, why there wasn’t an easier way.

But now there is! Never again will I have to cancel appointments because of a mix up at the laundromat or the loss of a sock or two.

Never will I wonder how many times I have washed my socks before, or whether they are experiencing wear and tear. I once wore socks until my big toe burst through, but now my iPhone app will tell me exactly when that will happen before I experience the embarrassment of a one-toe peak out of my Birkenstocks.*

The founder of Blacksocks says “It gives you more information on the sock than ever before!”

When your socks arrive, you will need to set them up with a mate from the package using the app for your phone and the Sock Sorter remote. Unfortunately the technology in your new socks is way to advanced for the actual iPhone, but it will display other information on your socks.

Have you ever needed to make sure your right sock stays on your right foot? Your iPhone will tell you the exact foot your sock should be on.

But what if you lose your socks mate? Don’t worry you can break up your pairs with the click of a button, and your iPhone will adjust accordingly. Because remember – just because you can easily match the identical socks on your own, having a record of this activity is important.

Some day, when our generations are long gone, I predict future humans will be able to access the information available through the Sock Sorter app and get a real glimpse of life in 2012.

Seriously, we can make self sorting socks, but we still can’t cure cancer? Our priorities as a global community are way off.

*Note: I am vehemently against the fashion “faux-paw” of socks with sandals, but needed the imagery to prove my point. I do not condone socks being worn with any type of sandals.