Obama and Romney should fight instead of debate

The two American politicians should step into the boxing ring to settle their differences.

A lot of sound and fury has surrounded the upcoming American presidential debate, but in the grand scheme of the election, it won’t do much to sway voters, unless a major bombshell drops.

But in today’s world of scripted lines and patented one-line zingers, that’s unlikely to happen.

American President Barack Obama will pit his debate skills picked up at Columbia University against Republican challenger Mitt Romney, who has MBA from Harvard University.

My point is that these two men are very smart.

I predict will stand at their lecterns and trade barbs and nothing substantial in terms of policy will come out.

Americans need to have an adult conversation on the problems facing their country, and it certainly won’t happen in the presidential debates.

I can hear the zingers already.

My Republican opponent doesn’t care about 47 percent of the country!

Obamacare will set up death panels!

C’mon.

You watch them—they’ll be scripted moments where they wait for an opportune time to fire out one-liners. Romney’s campaign as already admitted to writing and stocking up on media-friendly soundbites.

Instead of tossing verbal punches at one another, they should follow a Canadian example and get a little more physical.

Liberal leadership candidate Justin Trudeau threw out the challenge to fight a conservative MP or Senator, with Patrick Brazeau taking up the gauntlet for the Tories.

The match was also a charity event, with ringside seats going for $250 and proceeds went to cancer research.

I advocate this method as a way for the United States to pick their new president, especially given that more Americans tune into football games or reality shows than book time for an event where to middle-aged people argue with each other for an hour.

Think of the ratings.

If Obama and Romney got in the ring, it would be a great fight.

Obama is a former college basketball player, tall and lean, but Romney is beefier, and looks like he could pack a heftier punch.

I’d anticipate it going something like this:

Obama and Romney step into the ring to contend for the Presidential title, the Democrat wears blue shorts and gloves, while his Republican opponent dons red colours.

The referee brings the two together, explaining the rules, which don’t really mean anything to either of them. In a presidential contest, all bets are off.

Obama has a height advantage, and will do his best to dance around his opponent,  tiring him out over three rounds, while Romney’s plan is to go in straight for the kill.

The bell rings and the crowd roars.

Instead of raising his gloves, Obama starts an oral defence of his administration’s work over the last four years. Romney politely listens, before remembering the previous Republican administration’s policy of preemptive striking, and because it worked out so well for them last time, he lashes out and nails Obama across the jaw with a right hook.

Clearly surprised, Obama steps back, while Romney advances and swings away at the Democrat’s body, while landing a few gloves on the face, all the while muttering about tax cuts for the wealthy.

Bell rings, ending the first round.

Obama retreats to his corner, and trainer Bill Clinton jumps out with a towel in hand, while Romney confidently heads to his side, with Paul Ryan pumping his fist at the coaches table.

Round two starts, but Romney is clearly tired after spending the first round throwing everything he had at Obama.

The Democrat, still leery of physical violence, calls for help from Navy Seals Team Six, but soon realizes he’s on his own.

He continues to dance around Romney for the rest of the round, while the Republican begins to show signs of exhaustion.

After a quick respite, the two meet in the centre for the third round. Romney, determined to end things quickly, clinches his hands to fists, but starts throwing uppercuts to his own jaw.

Obama, stunned, watches as his opponent starts screaming about how he doesn’t care for 47 percent of the country or the very poor.

From the side, Paul Ryan cocks his head to one side in disbelief.

Fascinated, the Democrat watches his Republican opponent cannibalize himself for the remaining two minutes of the bout.

The referee counts Romney out, who gave himself one black eye and a cut lip by the end of the .

Obama, the great apologizer-in-chief, looks down at his opponent and says he’s sorry.